Saturday, March 3, 2012

Break a leg, Lindsay.

I once called you the greatest actress of your generation. There's a good chance I was drunk at the time, a real good chance. There's also a real good chance you were, too. But still, don't make a liar out of me. Let's hope the writers give you the benefit of the doubt. It's a season you're up against Emma, Maya, that one gal and the chick from the CW show about lesbians and vampires. No, not her. She's bombed. I mean the one with the dreamy eyes and bedroom hair. If that rings a bell.
Seriously. You've got nothing to lose and everything to... not lose. It's all up to you. (And the writers.) (And the cast. Hoping for "What's up with that?" and Kristin doing Kathie Lee. Just sit back and you'll kill.)
Now get out there and be funny! (And tell Jack I said hey.)

22 comments:

Isonomist said...

That was an unmitigated disaster.

Schmutzie said...

That went badly. The Scared Straight thing was shockingly bad. Disney Housewives was OK, ...taped earlier in the week. So many people obviously in her corner, wanting her to do well. I was surprised most of all at her need for cue cards. Lorne took a big risk giving her another shot, she should have been better prepared. I don;t know...maybe she was nervous.

switters said...

tough room. but you guys are wrong, WRONG, WRONG!!! it could've gone better, but she did okay. but for me the real hero of the night was meg white. also, lindsay's comedic gift has always been playing the straight man, so to speak.

anyways, i liked it. can't believe she's still just 25.

i do love how it just doesn't take that much to crack up bill hader on live tv.

switters said...

p.s. fun game: i'm flipping between "celebrity apprentice" and an awesome pbs documentary on the amish; and i'm trying to decide who survives the revolution, whatever that may be this week.

Schmutzie said...

I'm all over Apprentice. A living display for a jewelry collection? You just know that A- Takei is going to go postal on Aiken, and 2- Lisa Lampanelli's talents are not going to be properly utilized. Miss Universe is ...um....gorgeous.

Schmutzie said...

Dayana Mendoza should know that I'm there for her....24/7

switters said...

gorgeous? no. perfect. also, desk project i need your advice on.

Schmutzie said...

Shoot. I'm there for you 24/7 as well...as long as Mendoza doesn't need me. A Goddess.

switters said...

desk tomorrow. tonight it's all about dee snyder and the new jersey housewife that appears to have eaten all the other housewives. also, deb gibson is uncomfortably uncomfortable with aging herself out of relevance. sad. those in our 40 are people too!

Schmutzie said...

I thought the "age demographic" remark was a little too nasty. Deb was just trying to help. Snider's x-ray is the universal hello in Chicago. Don Jr. makes me want to crawl through my TV screen and kick him in the nootz...Hey look, Carolla knows his stuff. Where's his router???

switters said...

was dee snider in a band or something?

back to my game: what's worse, not getting your photos back in time for your window dressing, or going to jail because 1. you're amish, and 2. you didn't follow the local building codes by building your barn better than most homes are built and the home you built that violates the local building codes will last for 5 thousand years?

this could get confusing.

Schmutzie said...

Sorry Ishmael, but the law is the law. Now open this door or I'll call in the bulldozers and we'll at least try to knock it down. Post and beam construction is awesome. Tornadoes? Pfft.

I don't care how bad the women screw this up. It's them against Arsenio. He can't carry that team alone, can he?

So, are there any ugly Venezuelans? Besides Ozzie Guillen I mean...


Chicago PBS is showing Phantom from Royal Albert Hall. What a gorgeous venue.

Schmutzie said...

I think Dee sang lead for Cysted Twister

switters said...

mr. sulu should've stuck to setting the phasers to fabulous because he makes even mitt look personable by comparison.

"i don't care if we've burned out 3 transmissions on the front loader trying to tear out these footings. this lumber is weird and there are no nails. constable! arrest these hooligans!"

Schmutzie said...

I'm going to guess the women won, and Takei is going to be the guy who goes down to the planet surface in the dreaded red shirt.

"Look, I'll make you a deal. We'll waive the fine, and the building can stay. But would you please tack this piece of orange paper on this door jamb so it looks like we oversaw the project?"

switters said...

"also, could you build me a house?"

he's giving gays a bad name. and that's not easy to do, especially with clayellen over there hitting on the waitstaff.

Schmutzie said...

I was in touch telephonically, nut unfortunately Lou never answered the phone when I called him. I tried yelling at him..nothing Mr. Trump. Like talking to a big strapping hunk of manhood who can't hear.

"No power tools? That's un-American damnit!"

G'night Swit.

rundeep said...

No one watching the Voice? Srsly? The dogs hate it. But switters, do you remember Jordis Unga from Rock Star (the INXS find a lead singer show?) She's on it. Still working the reality thing, I guess. When reality collides with...reality.

switters said...

"cause i'm a finger jockey, mamma! we're not built like the face and body boys. we're a different breed."

also, i can't take ceelo seriously since "fuck you" beat out monae's "tight rope" for best song of 2010 on "world cafe" (yes, i'm hooked on the show now; it's a whole nother post). and that cat. wasn't jordis one of the singers that did "rhapsody"? rock star for me was still the best singing competition because the house band was so freaking good.

does it help that i'm hooked on "smash[ed]" in a way only i could be, i.e., that mark shaiman (marc?) is writing a lot of the music? the writers are amazing in that they're able to cram in the densest amount of faggoty broadway cliches into 42 minutes of semi-original programming. "faggoty" isn't the right word... maybe "mary-ish".

and then there's the little problem of us finger jockeys' addiction to "the bachelor". BOOM!*

but yeah, solid talent makes it about 15.9 times better than idol, which i'm not following because of the abc comedies. again. also, you kind of rule.

*the justin timberlake pronunciation

switters said...

you know, i apologize for using the word "faggoty". it's kind of offensive, as most true things end up being. still, it's stupid and wrong and i'm sorry. heck, i don't even know what i mean by it anymore.*

oh! "smash" is back on!!!

*not a lame rush impersonation

bright said...

Blame it on the rumspringa.

rundeep said...

"Smash" has replaced Glee for me, which is now solely about saintly crying gay people and lurching plots. We're kind of obsessed in my house with it.

World Cafe, babe. You are a virtual Philadelphian now, between Fresh Air and World Cafe. I remember when David Dye worked dance parties (cue the sounds of the walker). New conductor for the PO too -- Mr. Yannick. I like it. I'm trying to work my way back to AVA, and then I will be Philly musically complete.

I think faggoty is okay if you mean "Broadwayish" I think. Maybe.