Thursday, July 19, 2012

The Batman 3: Dark Night Rider, A Movie Review

With a talking car named "Kat", and a talking catwoman named "Katnip Evergreen", this bat man will be littering the streets with MeowMix till the poop is scooped, the hairballs are coughed up, and Kitty von Meowington has been sprayed for neutral.

Riddle me that, Robin! Who? Exactly!

The last movie I actually went to the theater to see was Team America: World Police. But since I was a fanatic of Nolan's franchise from the first frame of Begins, and because anyone who isn't is stupid, I may actually have to head on down to the GigantoPlex in Troy for this gem. I won't.

Movies I Wish I'd Seen In The Theater:

Star Trek
The Matrix
Batman Begins
The Dark Knight
War Of The Worlds
Rachel Getting Married
Lord Of The Rings
Mr. And Mrs. Smith
Hey I Fuckin' Shot That!
Jerry Maguire
Phantom Menace
The Bourne Ultimatum
Sense And Sensibility

Also, and while we're on the subject, here's a list of shows that should win many Emmys but will be cancelled:

Parks And Rec
Up All Night
The Season Finale Of Whitney In Which The Whole Gang Is Gunned Down By 2 Broke Girls With A Gattling Gun
The Firm
30 Rock
Sewing With Nancy
Dateline NBC When It Explodes All Over
Happy Endings
Master Chef!
Marc Shaiman

Full Disclosure:
1. I don't have cable.
2. The cable shows have an unfair advantage on account of their being so much better.

The Emmys have been retarded for some time now. But they went full Simple Jack when Jim Parsons beat out Alec Baldwin a few years ago. Which is the same reason why President Obama will lose. Because when it was revealed during the premier of Big Brother xxiv that they would be joined by 4 Big Brother All-Stars, the quote of the show by one of the contestants was, "It just got real." "It just got real." "Real." "It." "Just." "Got." "Real." And that Julie Chen is considered a journalist.

Oh, skitch!


switters said...

"On The Media"
1. Most of the eyewitnesses thought it was a stunt related to the opening of the movie. You know, tear gas and gun fire like at Mona Lisa Smile.
2.We trust news readers, but only if they're holding a pen (or pencil) in their left hands, at the ready, poised to jot down relevant information, to inform us.
3. The twitter feed revealed many viewers very upset with the coverage, nonstop, making them sad, confused, afraid and depressed, mostly, one could conclude, that they can't find an off switch, literal or figurative.
4. This won't help the opening weekend numbers.
5. Most pertinent: Will the morning shows go on with their scheduled friday concerts from The Plaza/Park/Quad/Center/Lawn?
6. There are few things more helpful than attention-whoring psychologists on television telling us how we feel, how we're going to feel, how we should feel, and whether or not we should talk to someone in the next few hours/days/weeks/binges.
7. Eyewitnesses have become just as credible at reporting what's going on as paid journalists. This is not an example of irony.

switters said...

8. Nice rain here, which means no massacre is important enough to preempt local weather updates, or Live With Kelly, which, if you're twisted like I am, makes her allegedly "liveness" hilarious. And sad.
9. The death toll count was quickly raised from 15 up to 12.
10. [insert tasteless joke here, say, "Shooting thought to have been caused by 2 movie-goers wearing the exact same arch-villain costume, Ball Point Pen Man.]
11. Most relieved man in America: Fred Willard.
12. People are ignorant, cruel, and greedy, some of whom aren't even related to you.

switters said...

13. DailyBeast media analysistor concludes that shooting at Batman premier actually caused by Batman premier.

Michael said...

8- Rumor in Vanity Fair that Seth might leave as head writer at SNL to join the Rippalicant.

11- Doctor, question that's always bothered me and a lot of people: Mayflower, combined with Philadelphia - a no-brainer, right? Cause this is where the Mayflower landed. Not so. It turns out Columbus actually set foot somewhere down in the West Indies. Little known fact.

I will never be able to watch Jerry Maguire the same way again. "We live in a cynical world...."~ "Fuck Youuuuu!!!"....Oh dear lord that's funny.

switters said...

Hey Michael. You ever have one of those days, yet again, where the morning starts with promise? And then a dead battery? And then 12 dead people? And then tools (operators) that won't work right?

I wasn't shot in a movie theater. That has to be enough for right now. And I appreciate you being here. I really am privileged; must not lose sight of that.

Michael said...

That story is gut-wrenching. Booby-trapped house? And then he alerts the cops to the booby-trapped house? Look at me, trying to find some logic in the thinking of a gas-mask wearing shitbag who shoots 7osomething people in a theater.

Yeah, I've had days like that Swit. Actually, I think my current record is 935 consecutive days like that back in the early 90s.

This glorious 75 degree stuff is why we live in the middle of the pool table bud. The drought has bumped the sweet corn forward on the calendar though.

Isonomist said...

I'm trying not to think about what it would be like to have taken a loved one to that movie that night. There's really no way to make a positive out of any of it, even surviving it, except hey, we learned how to have PTSD and a lifetime of survivor's guilt.

switters said...

Good news, Iso:
1. 2 of the 3 network anchors have boots on the ground in Colorado.
2. 3 of the 3 networks have the sad version of the evening news theme cued up and ready to go.
3. 2 of the 3 guys vying for the presidency have vowed to suspend negative campaign commercials until further notice (couple more hours yet); PACs didn't get memo.
4. Entertainment Tonight will be aired without interruption later.

Isonomist said...

There's a channel that isn't running 24/7 coverage???

rundeep said...

Well, you can always watch Diners Drive-Ins and Dives, which is about the only program my entire family can watch together (when Treme isn't on).

switters said...

ABC News presents, "Tragedy In Colorado: Massacre In The Movie Theater", 6/22/2012-??/??/????.