Friday, July 27, 2012

Romney Storms Europe Dressed As Saxon Redcoat

Arranges Joint Press Conference With MI6, Mossad, Thanks Both For All The People They Secretly Kill For Our Freedoms, Promises White House With Fewer Security Leaks On Behalf Of Our Freedoms As Well, "'Munich'" Is My Favorite Motion Talking Picture Show!"

59 comments:

switters said...

So I come in from the cabin just having cut my head open on a clamp again, flip on the tv and see The Queen jump out of a helicopter with Bond, and then she just shows up with The Prince, and I'm thinking, did I miss the middle part? Thank god for Matt and that one lady doing the play by play and ruining everything like they always do, and I realize that Salt Lake City really is in The Middle Of Nowhere and I begin to look forward to the Olympics Of 2032 in Branson (Keif!) and their opening ceremony's salute to Blain Fabin.

Anyways, I'm going to force myself to watch Winter's Bone tonight. If you don't hear from me in the next couple days, well, that means... You will.

bright said...

Hey are we liveblogging this?

bright said...

Because I have thoughts about children and healthcare and JK Rowling

bright said...

Chariots of Fire!

switters said...

I can't do it. Got through the part where the sheriff shows up and says her dad's cooking again and got the sense this wasn't going to be fun for the whole family like The Wire. Another time.

I have an aversion to "musical rethinkings", and despite my commitment to be humble and non-judgmental, I hate untalented people who don't know it.

Anyways, we are, all of us, of an age where we're young enough to remember Munich just barely, yet old enough to realize finally that NBC owns the olympics in order to push their lame fall lineup.

But here's the really profound part: We've progressed so far technologically as a race that it allows us to experience things live as they happen immediately as they actually happened 7 hours ago.

And you can't talk about England without talking about Prodigy. Seriously.

switters said...

And Train Spotting. Soul Train Spotting, and Knotting Hill.

switters said...

But if they leave out both The Spice Girls and Chumbawumba, I'm switching it back over to Undercover Millionaire.

bright said...

You can see Katniss some other time. Now you need to watch the House Party on Hobbbit Hill.

bright said...

They either completely forgot about the Sex Pistols, or NBC commercialled it out.

bright said...

Good gravy, how is it possible that Olympics commercials have gotten worse?

switters said...

Please tell me I didn't miss Boy George In Memorium because I was checking on my homemade sump pump. It's working well, by the way, and the night is truly a blessed one. Lots of Elle Woods pink in the west. Ohio. And some orange.

bright said...

Keif says hi. I love the parade of nations. I love it without reservation.

switters said...

[talking into my tape recorder ] Thought to self: Parade Of Nations as giant life-sized twitter feed with country histories and main exports, e.g., "australia, island prison, dundee, shrimp, nemo, outback... austria, maybe gaul at one time, sound of music, audi... auzbekisthan...

bright said...

Matt Lauer: She's competing in the Olympics after having 2 children since the last Games!
Mike: Wow!
Me: It only takes like 40 weeks to have a baby. She had plenty of time
Mike: Well *you* didn't compete in the Olympics after having just one baby.
Me: Touche.

switters said...

"... bhutan, asian, sherpas, lighters, layers... bolivia, cocaine, coffee, cocaine, coffee, cocaine... botswana, very dark-skinned blacks, slavery?, arms dealers... brazil, amazon, anaconda, child prostitution, cocaine, eerily American-looking latin americans, carnalvale!..."

switters said...

"... columbia, see bolivia, add uzis..."

switters said...

it's like my grampa used to say: having kids is easy; getting them to walk beans is hard.

switters said...

"... china, check out giganto!, kung fu, walmart, usa uniforms, loan sharks, man go giganto go!, wal*mart, more kung fu, limited resources + zero scruples = 10% annual growth..."

bright said...

Bob Costas - clearly not going to North Korea any time soon.

switters said...

"... denmark, macbeth, spot remover, large dogs..."

switters said...

bob costas, speaking of hobbits...

switters said...

"... kenya, long-distance running, out of africa-ish, birthplace of obama bin laden, not a typo..."

bright said...

Sitting here with the windows open, such a nice change.

switters said...

"... macedonia, phillip, alexander, pretty quiet since... france, charles martel, charlemagne, aka "freedom" ca. 2003..."

switters said...

"... germany, germania, goths, black forest, general maximus, aleric visits rome, gothic architecture, hitler-something-something, c class (sedan), braun, black forest ham (wal*mart)..."

[Full disclosure: Sorry. I made really good, strong coffee today and I didn't have my nap. Note: still getting used to waking up at 2 in the afternoon after a 20 minute power snooze and knowing exactly where I am and kind of happy and not suicidal. Truly a blessing, truly.]

switters said...

[tape recorder] Note to self: "With their phenomenal coaches and untraceable performance enhancement drugs for their gymnastics team, will this be the year of 'The Hungary Games'!?!"

bright said...

Arch says you need to come visit.

switters said...

Tell him one of my advisors at Wittenberg is from his neck of the ozarks and that he was my second hardest prof.

switters said...

Also, are keif and arch at your house or is it one of those facetweet thingies?

"... jordan, in the bible, farmed-out torture legal there, chickpeas..."

bright said...

I used to be able to nap for a couple of hours. Now I get about 18 minutes. Which is good in a way, because it's enough for a little rest in the middle of an afternoon. But I usually wake up thinking I've got to do something, urgently, so I get the heart racing thing. It's important to know who you are when you wake.

bright said...

facebook. why aren't you there?

bright said...

But how fun would that be to have those guys over to watch the Olympics!

switters said...

"... netherlands, 'the other vikings', remorseless pillagers, invented boats/jump roping, discovered most of he land on the planet, home of peter pan..."

switters said...

Facebook? Bah!

"... palau, popular crossword puzzle clue answer..."

switters said...

[record button click] Note to self: If I were English, I'd register for the olympics under England, Great Britain, The British Empire, The United Kingdom, Limeyburg, Scotland, Ireland, Wales, The British Isles, A Kingdom For My Horse, Erin Go Bra!, Eire, William Wallace Land, United States Of Guy Fawkes, Churchillton, and Guv'na, and send a group of athletes into the parade for each in order to dominate the proceedings.

bright said...

Solomon Islands. Those guys look like they mean it. Not like Sharapova.

switters said...

[click] Parade Of Nations drinking game: Whenever a country enters the stadium that is also not the name of a hip hop band, don't do a shot.

"... somalia, pirates, black hawk down, obama..."

switters said...

Is it just me, or are we, all of us, of an age where we can remember when olympic athletes didn't so much resemble models as they did orcs? Trying to stay with hobbit theme.

switters said...

"... thailand, world war 2, korean war, vietnam war, the hangover 2..."

rundeep said...

Outfits are ridiculous.

bright said...

Everybody is prettier now, except that 1 person. I blame it on the One Ring.

rundeep said...

Mitt Romney shout-out -- the idiot of London! Plus I would like to date the flag holder from uruguay. That is all.

bright said...

Yay! Yes, the clothes are awful.

bright said...

Mike: Doesn't she ever smile?
Me: She is up way past her bed time.

switters said...

Whoa. Who designed England's outfits? David Beckman? (That's what my mom called him: David Beckman.)

bright said...

Bob Costas: Nobody's in a brawling mood tonight.
Me: Well Paul McCarntey hasn't played yet.

rundeep said...

By the way, what's with the ugly cigarette girl outfits with the national tags? Those are heinous.

switters said...

When Paul performs, he should only be allowed to be at the piano. And he should never be allowed to perform. He should listen to his music, most of which is very good.

I wonder if Matt still has on the sunglasses he was wearing this morning.

switters said...

I'm just bummed I missed Belgium. Again. Dammit. They always do something pratfall-ish.

rundeep said...

one if by sea, two if by Beckham.

switters said...

You know, I think I'm gonna pass on Winter's Bone this go-around and send it back to Netflix. It still scares me. I watched Ghost Protocol last night, which even the great Tom Cruise couldn't make not suck, and The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo is for tomorrow night. Winter's Bone. I'll try it again at Christmas.

rundeep said...

Yeah, I can't go there either. Too much. Went to an actual movie tonight with the hub as the daughter was babysitting. Saw "Beasts of the Southern Wild," which was beautiful and sad. I'm trying to let Costas nonsense change my attitude.

switters said...

Great. Now I'll have to google "... 'twixt a rocky place and a hill..." It would seem every other country has its "... 'twixt a rocky place and a hill..." moment, whereas ours was a bunch of sexually repressed religious bigots eating their own belts for the first three winters. Well that's not gonna be me!

bright said...

Okay, the torch is lit, we're for bed. Thanks for indulging. Should be a nice weekend.

switters said...

The fireworks are great, but a little too reminiscent of when I tried to rewire the hot water heater into the junction box with a 15 amp breaker. Just without the Pink Floyd and giant tv.

Another fun drinking game: Every time Paul thinks his "conducting" has any effect whatsoever on the other band members, switch the channel back over to "eXcused!", with your host, Iliza Schlesinger. Or just go to bed and look forward to tomorrow while trying not to get depressed that all the athletes kinda sorta remember "Hey Jude" from overhearing it on their parents' oldies station. [sigh]

rundeep said...

still up, waiting for the kid to return from babysitting gig. Paul is singing, sort of. Shaky start, but once he got going, pretty damn ok.

rundeep said...

Yeah, I'm wondering about the choice of a) that song and b) Paul as the modern face of England. Though it beats Leona Lewis, I guess.

Isonomist said...

My mom's tv is apparently on a 3 hour delay. Humph.

switters said...

Dragon Tattoo. Good. But hated the ending. C'mon, Finchy! And Reznor's score was unsurprisingly good.

It should be noted here that I've been in love with Logan Tom since ca. 2004. We're the same height!

That was fun last night. Beer still talks to me in the grocery store, but I try not to listen. Because if I were to cave, I couldn't post here anymore. And that's just not in the short/long term plan, guys!