... Due to the delay in closing, you incurred additional days interest on your Bank of America payoffs, resulting in an additional $xxx.94 owed for closing. Please return a personal check in the amount of xxx.94, made payable to [lawyer trust] at your earliest convenience. I am enclosing a self-addressed, pre-paid envelope for your convenience. Please feel free to call me if you have any questions.
Please find enclosed a check for xxx.94 which I have over-nighted for your convenience. It occurred to me that sending the remainder in the pre-paid envelope you included was insufficient considering the gravity of the matter. I would, however, like to point out that the delay in closing was caused not by me but, rather, by the buyers, who seemed at every turn to have out-retarded themselves farther than the time before, culminating in having to delay closing for a week on account of not being able to gather the necessary documents from their lender and having to have emergency botox surgery at the last minute because, again, in addition to being retarded they are clearly extremely unattractive, both inside and out, again, clearly.
So despite the delay being caused by them and costing me the funds, I have decided to reimburse you and your firm. Don't ask me why. Though I have decided to include in the memo section of the personal check, 'Fuckheaded Twats', in order to remind myself that the only person you can really trust in this life is no one, and my dog. And that doing the right thing is always its own reward, except in this case.
Happy Easter, praise The One Who Gladly Died On The Cross For Our Sins, and go fuck yourselves hard, you inconsequential pricks.
Very sincerely, really,
so nice to see your nic again, john.