Friday, June 22, 2012

The Shortest Night Of The Year Begins


This year I'm going with Calamity Jane. It's short, funny, subtle and loud.

Dirt worshippers have slaughtered a family of Square Heads on the road to Spearfishing. Or so we thought. It was actually Road Agents hired by Gem owner, Al Swearington, who, upon hearing of the slaughter, offers circa $5 (dollars) for every decapitated Indian head, no longer attached to its other attached parts, brought into town. Posses plan to leave first thing in the morning (circa 11:15 on the A.M.). Jane, upon hearing their quest for revenge starts not until the following morning, exclaims, "Well what's your FUCKIN' HURRY!!!" [sic]

(Full Disclosure: I knew, I knew, Rock Of Ages, would be terrible. Great cast, sure, but way too many Top 10 Terrible Rock Songs Of All Time. I just didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.)


Keifus said...

Never seen Deadwood, which'd be a tough sell in my house (even though I curse like a sailor myself).

Everyone knows Rock of Ages is gonna be terrible. Yep, the music's pure amplified velveeta, and Tom Cruise (and I hate to say this) has reached the point in his career where you have to add "...for his age" for everything he doesn't quite pull off anymore.

switters said...

Well, you could sit the whole family down to the sanitized version, which ends up sounding like, "Why I oughtta...""... Screw you...""... Let's take a look at 'Miss Mossy'..."

Or the bleeped version, which I guess would be: "...-----------------------------...Hey!..-----------..."

Rejoined Netflix, and I believe The Help arrives today.

As for your Tom Cruise remark: How dare you, sir. How DARE you.

Keifus said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Keifus said...

Tom Cruise (I just looked this up) turns 50 next week. And sure, I wish I'd look so good at ten years younger, but he's maybe just a little seedy to be portrayed as the world's oldest teenager is all I'm sayin'.

Penal-Colony said...

The pure genius of Calamity Jane's characterization came when Al reduced her to whatever it was had happened in her girlhood. All the bluster evaporated in that moment, just as the underlying tender-heartedness at her core was buoyed to the surface. Very delicately keyed writing.

switters said...

Every interview I've heard and read says that new lines were coming right before the cameras rolled. I look at McShane and I see this face I wish I had, I wonder if Milch had him in mind from the beginning. I just saw the dang episode where Al demoralizes Jane with his eyes and I want to remember that Al doesn't even say much to her; just strides in and pinches the little Square Head's arm to wake her up.

My first impression was that the dialogue was a Henry James hybrid. On second viewing, it's Sam Clemens talking to himself.

The writing's goodness scares me. But the execution is sublime. Olyphant for me is again the weakest link talent-wise. Jane is crazy good.

Penal-Colony said...

McShane, Swearingen; Brando, Coreleone; Ledger, Joker; Harrelson, Dave Brown; Weigert, Jane. Etc. Some roles, some actors.

Farnum's character is Shakespearean. In fact, the brilliance of his dialogue is what hooked and scared me.

They will be doing PhD's on Deadwood before long, if they haven't already started.

Isonomist said...

IF you want to really understand the magic that is Deadwood, try watching John From Cincinnati. The opening credits are good, and it's fascinating in spots, but-- well, it's the seams of Deadwood's coat of many colors.

Oh and PS. It used to irk me no end when fraysters claimed that no one cursed like that in the 19th century. As if they were there. Or as if novels published in the day weren't censored. I tried quoting Twain and Bret Harte to them (I do have a fucking masters degree in English), but no one wanted to believe me.

switters said...

I think Deadwood is a dialogue ruiner. I think John would agree. I watched The Help last night and was thoroughly disappointed, but expected to be. Deadwood exposes and ruins poor writing that's meant to be said out loud. Amen.

Speaking of which. I love having a nephew who, like his parents, knows everything. "You should talk to your uncle about these things." "Thanks, mom and dad, I will. Uncle, what do you think I should do about these things?" "Well, you could think about this, and then think about doing that. At least I think that's what your grandpa would've told me." "Great. Thanks, uncle. I'll do none of those things all the while not thinking." "Sounds good, nephew. But when you get some spare time between all that not thinking and not doing, going and fucking yourself is always a good time filler."