Wednesday, June 6, 2012

And on the 7th day, God rested.

And cracked open a Natty Lite.

Okay, alright. Well this hell-hole pretty much puts the "geddon" in "armageddon". It's like Mars, but with slightly better weather and less promising life forms. Jesus.

The woman thing was a stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. Smart, funny, wise beyond her gender. [cosmic Chortle here] Soft, bumpy, smells good. So not a total loss.

But what we need is some sort of creature whose loyalty is surpassed only by its protectiveness. Affectionate, but not needy. Definitely not needy. I mean Adam over there really puts the "depend" in "codependent". (Note to self: Pre-engineer basic bladder failure at around age 32 -- like they'll survive that long! I'll call it "Intelligent Designed Obsolescence".) Well, at least Adam gives me something to point and laugh at already again.

So. Something with 4 legs, maybe a tail, with a look that conveys just the right amount of, "Yeah, uh, Simple Jack, were you gonna feed me anytime soon?" mixed in with, "I'm beginning to wonder just who belongs to whom," and perhaps a touch of, "Well I suppose I'd better slog through this fiasco with him so he's not completely alone."

I.e., something that's not a cat.

Hmmm... I'll call it "Undetached Dog Parts". Everybody wins, and a real hoot for the squirrels.


Checking list... Oh, I've gotta meet with that one pernicious angel who loves music about setting up a timetable where The Dawn Of The Dead Of The End Of Times Of The Night Of The Rise Of The Mindless Worship Of Sloppy Thinking And Mediocrity is ushered in, in the early 21st century, by One Direction, and something called a Bieber. Yikes! Even Baal will want to kill himself when he hears that puss-laden ear crap!

Hey Gabe, let's pump up the jams!

Doesn't it feel good?


Schmutzie said...

You know how sometimes you just don't feel like going through the whole daily routine, and you just want to say screw it and plop down in the grass? Been there, done that. Who's a good dog? Who is? You bet your ass you are. Excuse me I have something to say to your roommate.

Karen Carpenter had one of the great voices ever. Certain tunes (including that one) make me feel guilty for making fun of Carpenters fans ...not rockin' enough!!

switters said...

She's not loafing. She's BEING VIGILANT!!!

True story*:

On the first take, Karen's voice cracked at the end of "... to live..." She hated it because she was a perfectionist. Richard said that was the take they needed to use. And despite the fact that Richard is an insane retard, he was right. I could go on and on, and have, about The Carpenters, and Karen's voice alone.

Now that I've figured out how to use my phone camera(!) and post pics, I may use them as engineering consultations.

*at least that's how I like to think it unfolded

Schmutzie said...

Yes, yes, yes. I understand vigilance. It's just as easy to be vigilant while plopped down in the grass as it is anywhere else, and when you look good in the grass, I say go with it.

Phone-camera-pictures-support post- jacked brace etc

switters said...

So I'm watching my new favorite show, Dogs In The City, and I'm thinking Moonpie has it either really bad or really good. And I'm thinking Moonpie has it really good.

One of the dog owners is a Colombian princess or something and she just had a baby, and it reminded me of the first thing I thought of when Jessica Simpson finally gave birth to her 24 pound monstrosity:

"Jessica, is it a boy or a girl?"
"Yeah, we think so."

Schmutzie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Schmutzie said...

The thing I remember most about Karen's voice is how effortless it seemed. When she sings "we'll find a place where there's room to grow" for instance, she hits the last 3 words and it sounds like it's welling up from way down there in the diaphragm without even breaking breath. seamless and effortless. And not rockin'!!


Isonomist said...

One thing's for sure you boys and I have nothing like similar taste in music. One other thing's for sure, that's the finest lookin dog I've ever seen. You can tell pretty much the whole personality from that pose.

rundeep said...

Important question of the day "Duets", yeah or neah? I think it might be okay, but that's cause I love Kelly and holy hell can Jennifer Nettles sing!

switters said...

I think Duets is okay, but, yeah, just because of Kelly and Jen and John (whose voice reminds me of his singing The Anthem with Colbert. But Robin Thick is so not his father.

Which means, in no particular order, Top 10ish Frontmen Of All Time:

Robert Plant
Roger Daltry
Chris Cornell
Layne Staley
Ann Wilson
Chuck D
Ella Fitzgerald
Freddie Mercury

Did we just lose Buckingham?

rundeep said...

MMM. Quibble. Jagger instead of Daltry. I've seen them both -- no brainer. John Legend, Penn boy. So of course we love him. Robin's got some hair, no? Like the rock Thomas Hampson.

switters said...

Bah! Mick was a better host for the SNL Season Finale than he was a musical guest. Bah!

rundeep said...

Well, now. But seriously, the man has charisma Daltrey still dreams about. And Keith Richards still admires him musically, even when he thinks he's a total douche. Keith is a lot of things, but a bad musician is not in that list.

switters said...

I don't know; we'll never agree on The Stones. But I prefer Roger's "Won't Get Fooled Again "scream heard round the world" to Mick's... "dancing".

In other news: Did the other Roger just not want to play tennis today? It was kind of pathetic. And the more I hear Mayer's new record the more I'm beginning to wonder why I ever lost faith in him as a musician. Same goes for Doc John.

rundeep said...

R Fed is the last guy in the top 10 not to dope regularly. Either men or women. Maria Sharapova's parents are 5 5 and 5 6, you think she was an accident? Nope. That fact, plus age, plus the fact he's a dad, means he will never be number 1 again I fear. He's still my favorite, and the French remains the tournament I most would like to see in person. Tomorrow I get to play on grass -- My favorite personal surface. Roger would still have a shot at Wimbeldon if they handn't been screweing around with the grass the last couple of years. Grass tends to equalize a game, but now they've gone to a brand that plays like har-tru in England. No fun at all.

rundeep said...

By the way, I'm just exhausted (insomnia is my new best friend from 2 till 5 several days a week), so I apologize if neither my writing nor my thinking is up to snuff. I still adore Roger, and he may be my favorite of all time., but he still can't move like Jagger. (My weird favorite Daltrey record, actually, is a recording of Behind Blue Eyes he did with the Chieftans, of all people. Crazy but it works....)

switters said...

Confession: I've never liked Nadal. He has a permanent sneer, and he strikes me as kind of a thug. Roger is a dancer. Actually, he plays tennis like Mehldau plays piano. Effortlessly, little wasted motion, perfect technique, with genuine love.

Let's see: Maria's 6-2, Venus is 6-2?, Serena is 6-1?, and built like a defensive end...

Best returner in history, Agassi, 5-10, maybe?

switters said...


The day your thinking isn't up to snuff is the day my thinking isn't funny.

In high school when we were studying Marlowe (Shakespeare) our teacher showed us a video of a brand new production of either "Comedy Of Errors" or "Two Gentlemen of Verona", or whatever the one is with the 2 sets of twins. The whole time I was thinking, "Isn't that the guy from Tommy?"

The French Open is perfect for me this year because, on account of the time difference, it's absolutely awesome to watch when I'm taking one of my 3000 breaks and not feel too guilty about not working. And clay is cool.

bright said...

Morrissey! He still thinks he is a front man!

Schmutzie said...

Not Buckingham, but we did lose Bob Welch. Sentimental Lady...part of the soundtrack of my junior year in HS. Background vocals by Christine McVie, another underrated voice.

rundeep said...

Red clay is so cool. Much neater than Har-Tru and though it's slow, I think it's actually really hard to play. The skidding, the weird bounces you get with backspin, and nothing makes your day like a ball popping off the tape. I ended up playing on it today instead of grass. It was still awesome.

Despite her obvious HgH use, I still like Maria, and was happy to see her win today. It was quite a mismatch. Here's my place, by the way -- the uncool cool club for hippies who don't golf.


switters said...

Man. Into The Wild was really really hard to watch. Man. Ya gotta know your body.

Anyways, it's my understanding that NBC is re-airing the Maya Rudolph hosted SNL tonight. I watched it the first time, and I'll tell you: it's the best wall-to-wall show they've done in years. A pretty good birthday present, if you ask me.

Weird day mood-wise. I'll make up for it tomorrow. I think I've got too many projects going on at the same time, and I need to cut back and focus. But still, really, that's a good problem for me to have, but only if I can manage my distractions.

rundeep said...

The Managed Distractions would be an awesome band name.