Tuesday, January 11, 2011

They weren't crosshairs. They were surveyors' symbols.

Like on maps.

Well that certainly clears up all the confusion. It's not like they were burning crosses. Yet. Are we absolutely sure that Trig (short for Trigger?) is the only retard in that house? Don't get me wrong. I love retards. Some of my best friends are retards. The Chinese people revere retards because they always look happy. I wish I were a retard. Maybe I am. But I don't look happy much of the time. Hmm...

Anyways. Watched Bachelor last night (sorry topazz) with the sound down so I could listen to the Auburn game on the internets. Funny. For better or worse, the show doesn't need audio. I wonder what that says about me and the show.

He exstablished his toolness very early on -- what, the first 38 seconds on Regis? The ladies are exstablishing their phychotic tendencies considerably slower -- minute and a half. Now nobody hates women more than I do, which has been well exstablished and documented by people without spines; but these gals really do take the proverbial wedding cake. They all seem successful, confident, intelligent, devoid of dignity and self-respect. You know, the real keepers.

There's one that really stands out. I think her name is Michelle, a cutter of hair from Salt Lake City. Beautiful, tall, buxom, outspoken, and crazy as putting bullseyes on a map near areas of the country whose representatives are being targeted for elimination. Maybe not that crazy.

This is the cruelest, most depraved reality show out there, until Snooki wrote a novel. And I won't miss one minute, no matter how good The Event is. Is that over or is it still on?

9 years old. We should all weep for what we lost this weekend, if only we were smart enough to notice that we had it in the first place. I think we just crucified Christ all over again; it's just that this time that are no take-backs.


hmshore said...

You must know that using the word retard is just all wrong. Bet your love of people with special needs isn't strong enough to ever have you volunteer and do some good for vulnerable people. No, I bet you just limit your love to making a mockery of their very existence.
Too bad, you're a great writer but lost me at the word retard.

switters said...

hm, all i can say, in my defense, such that it is, is that i envy retards. when i was about 13, i went to lutheran memorial camp outside of columbus ohio, and became attached to a retard named david. sweet a person as you could ever meet, with even sweeter parents whom i meant on our last day of camp. but i won't apologize.


rundeep said...

Joke I heard recently: What is the difference between Sarah Palin's mouth and her vagina? A. Only one retarded thing came out of her vagina. Thouroughly, totally, horribly offensive in multiple ways. And yet, I laughed.

Oh, and your capacity to watch this stuff is amazing.

rundeep said...

and i am, sometimes, back. http://boredofboard.blogspot.com/

switters said...

rundeep, thinking of you. how you holding up?

DragonTat2 said...

1 retarded thing. Wishing my neighbors weren't asleep so I could laugh loudly.
My nephew had every syndrome *but* Down. Proof there are worse things, perhaps.

I love the work & workings of a good wood stove.

Penal-Colony said...

I don't know who the first respondent is, but do I have a fairly good idea who switters is, having read him for over 4 years: the wager is both presumptuous and wrong, not to mention pretty smug.

[Hey, run]

switters said...

dragon, i think i mentioned that jess brought over about 6 huge cherry tree logs, and it burns like a dream: hot and long, perfect for overnight.

john, i'm curious about your soil and your growing season. here you can't really plant tomatoes until the threat of frost is gone, around may 15th. but i think i can push that.

Penal-Colony said...

Our climate is definitely changing from Temperate Oceanic, so our extremes are becoming more extreme. The North Atlantic Drift isn't doing what it's meant to do. For the first time ever, they've spotted humpback whales off our coasts.

We still get a lot of frost and that's not conducive, but the soil is very rich and we've been laying organic compost for a while now. We'll probably have to build a greenhouse [the weather's too fickle], nothing fancy, small enough, and we'll grow the plants on the ring culture system, using John Innes potting compost. We have incredibly reliable farmer's almanacs and our sourcebook is The Gardening Year, our new bible. The state body, Teagasc is very helpful in terms of advising on soil and other matters. I'm pretty sure it's going to be trial and error. My brother-in-law who lives by Lough Derg grows tomatoes very successfully, but he's a Hooker [of Kew Gardens fame], so botany & cultivation is in his blood. I'll keep you posted. O if we get the glass house done, we could probably begin mid to late April.

Keifus said...

The difficulty with the word retard(ed) is that there is some legitimate need for an epithet which describes people who have difficulty with certain kinds of analytical thought. For whatever it's worth, it's slowly getting devalued much like the formerly clinical terms moron and idiot did before. (Why do we need an epithet? Because so many of our esteemed leaders, bosses, and opinion-sellers exhibit this deficiency despite their claims that intellectual merit makes them superior. Insults are pretty much the only defense we have against that.) I've pretty much abandoned using the word though--I can say the same thing without being mean to anyone. Unfortunately, I'm also childish enough to find forbidden words funny in the right context.

(Or to put it another way, it's one thing to call intellectual posers retards, but not at all okay to call developmentally challenged people that.)

The bachelor: it's not actually prostitution because, uh, some reason. It's in the fine print somewhere, I'm sure.

Welcome back rundeep.

Cindy said...

Good to read you.

Nice to know that you're multi-tasking.

Of course, I agree with everything you say so I think you're real smart and clever. :)

(Keifus - that smiley icon is for you too)