Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Plan C?



At the risk of jinxing it yet again, my promise to my mom is haunting me. The promise was to move closer to my sister and brothers in order to protect my nieces and nephews from them. I'm only half-kidding.


This one's only 7 acres (maybe 4 tillable?), and sits smack dab in the middle of the meth belt capital of Ohio, in Morrow County, or, as my brother Al calls it, "The County Of ToMorrow". It also happens to be very close to Al's place (my favorite brother [don't tell Jess]), and only 30 minutes from Jesse.


It looks to be pretty much a dump of a house, but it's got a wood burning stove. All I need is electricity, basic plumbing (and I do mean basic), television reception, and a way to heat the place. Jess has a lot of timber; he'd probably let me buy "wholesale".


Keifus is controlling my life. I rewatched Fast Food Nation last night and realized I'm Ethan Hawke's character. Could be worse, I suppose.


Anyways, just not sure at all about anything. Keep those fingers crossed, or whatever. More appreciated, really, than perhaps you'll ever know. Seriously.

8 comments:

Schmutzie said...

Nice. Fingers are crossed.

Dude, just think of how much you could grow on 4 acres. AND, you could keep up on M of O hockey! Still going to counsel against the meth thing.

Keifus controls everything.

switters said...

Email exchange with my brother Al.

Me: Keep in mind I don't need much: electricity, basic plumbing, some breathing room where the dog can run around without a fence, television reception, and a way to keep myself warm in the winter with the thermostat set at 53 degrees.

Pictures would be awesome. No problem with email, as long as they're not too big.

Windmills and bunkers.

Al: This "house" has all those features.  And with a little more wind, the dog would be able to run straight through the structure, unencumbered.    I could only surmise that the agent smokes pot by the bale, as her camera clearly missed the fact that the entire roof is covered by a tarp of the most striking blue I've ever seen.   There is siding missing, but the good thing is, the former inhabitants had the foresight to stack spare pieces of siding right at or near the bare spots.  

I have a feeling if they put a sign that said "SHITHOLE" the inspector would demand they take it down until such time that the paper work was filed and approved for the upgrade to said condition.

It's 12 minutes from my house, an ideal location, but I could not in good conscience recommend it.  I probably couldn't recommend it if I were a terrorist either.

There's been a house on an acreage north of me and I may know the owner.  I'm going to go see if it's still available and maybe snap some shots.   Oh, and the camera, either the battery was not charged or it refused to operate under the conditions.

Let me know if there are any others and I'll keep my eye out as well.

Me: I don't know. I haven't had heat or hot water since October 2007.
I don't really have what you'd call a kitchen. Just a fridge and a couple of hot plates.
I lived in a tool shed for 6 weeks in Colorado.
Still think it's out of the question?

Al: Ok. That's a different perspective. I did nothing to test the soundness of the structure, and I'm sure there's nothing the three of us couldn't fix. So now it's down to price and 52,000 is too much. One of my lots would appraise at 35K and that's with road frontage. This lot shares an easement with a couple other houses. There was an orange sticker on the door. I did not walk up to it (Meth labs are normally well-protected). But orange normally means someone got booted out. So I'd offer under the lot value, because it's going to cost someone to demolish, and it's costing someone in taxes. So if you're willing, I'm willing. If it's a deal. (too Trumpy?)

Schmutzie said...

A blue tarp roof? Hmmm. That sounds like grounds for a price drop. And, I agree with Al about the eviction sticker. Around here that means bank foreclosure, and that means under market value by a bunch.

Still. 52K for 7 acres and a shitpile of a house? That's not bad.

Siding repair is a cakewalk especially if they left you enough material to finish, and if you know how to lay shingles a new roof doesn't have to break the bank either. I'll be happy to get you prices from Alside for that (right up 71 in Akron according to google maps) if there isn't a supply place closer by. Assuming the deal happens of course.

bright said...

Sounds like the beginning of an adventure to me.

Keifus said...

If I could control people's lives, I'd surely dissuade my bosses from 2-hour (and running) evening teleconferences. Good thing they can't see me. (Also, one of you would be getting me a beer right now.)

I'm liking the trees about...is the red one the living quarters/laboratory? I think I can see a hint of blue in the corner.

Also, "shithole" may also be a real estate term of art, something regarding the basic-ness of the plumbing.

artandsoul said...

I like your brother a lot. If he were related to me I would like to be 12 minutes from him and would do whatever it took to get there.

How nice of the former inhabitants to stack up the extra siding! You have to love the Midwesterners, right? Always so thoughtful.

Can't wait to read the next installment and in the meantime, keeping fingers crossed.

I'm fine with Keifus controlling everything.

bright said...

Are you watching Survivor? This may be the best season ever.

tia said...

Dude, I've been hoping you'd find yourself something near Al and/or Jesse for years. The land would be worth it and the, er, existing structure is evidence that there's a good building site. Sounds promising.

Fingers crossed, or whatever.