Monday, November 7, 2011

as the fog clears, 2

or, with a few months sobriety behind me afer 10 years as a practicing drunk (where practice makes perfect): a.) i'm not as weak or inept as i thought i was/used to be; and b.) i'm not as weak or inept as i thought my family thought/still thinks i was/am.

bright, i'm not sure i get it either; yet. and i'm being, as you know, neither ironic nor sarcastic. but i'm trying like the dickens not to be resentful. it's this brutal honesty thing that has me up at night.


rundeep said...

Well, you've been different for a long time. I expect that you both need to adjust your expectations and you know what sugar plum? That won't be easy. But they sent on on the road you are now on because they love you. No matter how you butt heads (and you can and should), never, ever, lose sight of that. Either of you. Bless.

Cindy said...

I'm not sure if your family participates in any kind of family-of program...but I can tell you that, for me, until I really got the spiritual principle of focusing on myself I was pretty convinced that the drinking members of my family were inept/weak/stupid/ and downright mean. Not that I didn't love them; I did.

I just was convinced that all of MY problems were caused by THEIR actions. And that is a vicious cycle of thinking that takes some effort to break out of.

Not to mention the amazing amount of CYA denial I was capable of -- "I do NOT think that about you!!" "How could you think that? I love you!"

I think you're all pretty awesome.

Isonomist said...

I can't remember if it's in Where I'm Calling From but Raymond Carver makes a damn good point about alcoholism, and the need to stop being jaded by everything/everyone, as part of the process of recovery. I'll see if I can find it.