Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Medicinal Marijuana?

I've been racking my brain trying to figure out a way to generate income on the 8 tillable acres in the next 2 to 4 years. So I bought the following books:

Cooking Meth For Dummies

Hey Let's Grow Some Pot!

History Of The Poppy

Coca Cultivation And Its Uses In Curing Impotency: Short Term Solutions

Schooling Baby Boomers With Fake Ludes: A Primer

Talk about some page-turners!

In the part of Iowa I'm seriously considering relocating to, there are 4 sorts of people:

1.) Farmers

2.) Retired farmers

3.) Folks whose jobs are related to farming (e.g., meat inspectors, seed dealers, implement salesmen, etc.)

4.) People who hate farming and Iowa but don't know they're allowed to leave

That last group is a tough crowd.

What I'll do eventually is make the 8 acres a grid, and farm only 4 acres a year, rotating the fallow acres with the growing acres as well as rotating the particular crops themselves, careful not to follow one crop with an unsymbiotic one, and vise versa. (I'll go into the details of this later, when I'm actually there.)

At this point, most if not all Iowans never see the "food" that's grown right next door to them, literally. The farms have become so big that there no longer is a small farm culture. Which means, ironically, that rural Iowa doesn't enjoy the appreciation for fresh food that urbanites with disposable income do. I'm gonna change that, and here's how.

After I get good at it (I'm already pretty good, though it's on a small scale), I'll approach the area schools and offer to grow fruits and vegetables for lunches. Oh sure, there are zillions of government regulations, and the FDA practically subsidizes growing fuel instead of food. But there have to be dozens of lunchroom ladies that would look the other way when the sight of my way-too-early-on-account-of-cold-frame carrots immediately launches them into a narcotic-like flashback to their childhoods.

Then I'll start a program where the school itself grows its own veggies. It'll be a part of the curriculum starting in 3rd grade. Its inherent appeal and success will spread like wildfire. I'll be an agricultural community organizer, reminiscent of my President whom I have an enormous amount of respect for.

Change the way things are grown, harvested, cooked. Change the way we live. Perspective. What really matters. Sharing a meal. The Last Supper.

Perhaps my mom and dad could finally feel free to be proud of me, because I can't think of anything else right now that would make me more happy beyond description. Seriously.

Oh well. I suppose daydreaming is an art more than a business. Go figure.


Schmutzie said...

Symbiotic crops?

I will stay tuned, because I'm wondering why one crop might not be too happy follow a different one. I know farmers let fields lay fallow for a season or two, but I was unaware of the concept of following soybeans with something other than same.

I'll try to find "Hey let's grow some pot!" on Amazon, and would highly recommend "The Marijuana Growers Guide." first published in 1976. It's the bible.

If I could make a friendly suggestion, probably want to hold off on the meth-lab thing. Not only is Iowa overstocked in that department, and it is, meth production is a little touchy viz law enforcement, and more than a little dangerous to your health.

Kidding aside, I think you're on the leading edge of something. Just a hunch, but I sense a great desire by many people to re-think who we are, where we are, and what the hell we're doing.

bright said...

Yeah, if you're cooking meth, please go do it in Iowa and not here. I had to watch a presentation from the Meth Task Force a couple of years ago at the LEPC meeting. Not fun. They have to haul the kids of arrested meth makers out of school and decon them.

LentenStuffe said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
twif said...

dunno if this would fly in iowa, but orchards around here make their money off convincing sops (like myself) that picking their own berries and apples is fun. saves a bit on the labor, that.

not a lot of apples in iowa though. pick your own corn?

artandsoul said...

New York City just outlawed bake sales and sugary snacks at their public schools - and my guess is that it will be taking over in other districts as well.

Schools will be looking for viable alternatives, you may be hitting it at just the right time.

In my experience with my kids there is always something in them of which to be extremely proud. A twinkling eye, a crooked smile, a hand lent in need, a well-turned phrase. Just my two cents on that.

Good on you - keep it up, keep moving toward it.. and for god's sake keep us posted!

LentenStuffe said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Keifus said...

Didn't Johnny Appleseed pass through Iowa? Introdoctrination experiments in the 70s using cartoon shorts certainly suggested as much. An orchard near me has made it by turning itself into a winery (and recently, a distillery), restaurant, and occasional festival place. I'm not advocating a restaurant as an investment, but turning wholesome land activities into intoxicants is sometimes legal.

I'm intrigued by your lunchlady seduction scheme. LentenStuffe might be taking the idea too far, but you never know.

LentenStuffe said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Keifus said...

Just a silly comment regarding the "fuck" of unknown antecedant. (Luchlady seduction?)

artandsoul said...

Switters - I just read an article on HuffingtonPost about the 10 deadliest or riskiest foods in the US ... leafy greens, berries, eggs, potatoes, TOMATOES, and of course oysters...

The funny (weird, not haha) thing is it is the FARM that is so dangerous, not the foods. But the way the farms are producing the foods these otherwise healthy foods are producing tens of thousands of illnesses a year.

Small, safe farming is looking better and better!

topazz said...

as a former Head Lunch Lady (I ran the lunch program at my kids' parochial school about ten years ago) I was usually the only Lunch Lady. Many elementary and high schools don't cook on the premises anymore because of liability - but mostly because all those wonderful grandmotherly lunch ladies in hairnets who volunteered their time for free have all gone to heaven. Nowadays most schools have their hot lunches delivered each day by private catering companies. All I had to do was tally up the totals on the monthly lunch menus, collect the money & fire up the warming pans every morning. (and give my kids more of everything when they came through the line, of course)

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