Multitasking

You think crying, "Foul out-of-bounds ball!" on President Obama's partisan rant against your own video-taped call to inaction 5 years ago on bin Laden while sucking Rudy's 9.11 centimeter dick at the ground zero museum of short memories is easy?

Well, come to think of it, regarding a citizenry's collective attention span of the lowest common denominator and median fuckheadedness, yeah, I can it is pretty easy. Never mind.

Celebrity Apprentice: Wow I Forgot How Easy It Is To Write A Song

I knew Barry Manilow. Barry Manilow was a friend of mine. Clay Aiken, you are no Barry Manilow.

In addition to rooting against people being bad sportsmanship, it is fundamentally unAmerican to want people to fail. You should let them do it quietly so that they can keep it to themselves.

For the record, I have never met Barry Manilow. However, having had many "incidents" with "Fanilows", I feel like I have.

Mitt&Ann Romney On Saturday Night Live!?!?!?!?!?!

I don't know. It would be an odd career move for the Mormon Twins considering they're already so hilarious being not on it.

And: Glee, Some Final Thoughts

As soon as I can figure out how to spell "eeichxle", I'll get back to you.

Celebrity Apprentice Versus Hallmark Hall Of Fame's "Firelight"

I love Hallmark commercials. It's a sign of weakness I'm fully willing to admit. The music makes me cry! But there was mention of Aubrey O'Day's vagina, so... well... we're still sorting out the details.

Thank Christ For Dan Savage

I heard this first May of 2009, and again, during a rebroadcast, then another time, and then again just about 5 minutes ago listening to WBHM in Birmingham Alabama (computers are crazy!). So this really was about the 4th or 5th time I stopped what I was doing and sat down and listened to it. The first time was almost exactly 3 weeks before my Mom's memorial service in Burt, Iowa, where I had memorized the poem John pointed me to, in which Mom wasn't lying in the clay, and recited it to myself quietly while the minister yammered on and on and on about God knows what.

I've always liked Dan. I hope you like it as much as I hope I know how to link youtube videos. Call your moms.

in my thoughts

I still miss you, ya old bag.

Moment Of Clarity #19

Good Morning, America! beats The Today Show! in ratings war for the first time since 1995-or-so-ish!

Dancing With The Stars! weigh[s] in on "Princess Pippa Longstocking's Nazi Gun Prank!".

Conclusion #19:
Morning shows approach making/having any resemblance to sense only and if only when you've been drunk for 32 days straight (and counting). Reason enough for this white-trash bro-bro, his 1971 tractor with a brand-spankin' new battery, and a coyote-ass-kicking best dog in the world not to relapse.

I.e., 45 weeks and counting, tomorrow. Best part? All week I thought it was only 44 weeks. And whether (weather!) all y'all like it or not I have each and every one of you to thank for it. And Matt "Megatard" Lauer, my trigger man. So, well, thanks. Again. And I hope we all have a really good day tomorrow. And if not, we'll fight through it one moment at a time.

columbiannian whoregate

man. staff soliciting hookers and then not paying, or tipping, booze, prescription pill abuse? add a burlap bag of blow, scarface and a carton of viagra and this pickle trap could be rush limbaugh's spring-fuckin'-break. meanwhile clinton's doing jello shots at the vargara sports bar threatening off the record but on the mic that if her wetback counterparts don't get their shit together she will personally come to their homes in the middle of the night and punch them to death? i love my secretary of state.